So as I've talked about since I've gotten here to the Dalles area, I've been having some struggles with my companion. Everything is going back to normal, but we also have transfers. I will be staying in White Salmon and I will be receiving Hermana Knight, who was one of my greenie's MTC companion. What a coincidence! Hermana Buss will be transfered to Othello. This is something new, and I'm pretty torn between how I feel about Hermana Buss leaving. We've grown so much together, and we've seen miracles. But having Hermana Buss as a companion was probably one of the most growing times for me on my mission. We've both learned so much together and I am excited to see where her mission will take her next.
I realized this whole past transfer, I was letting myself be pretty selfish in the midst of helping my companion. I never realized how much she was struggling until she finally opened up to me last week about how she wasn't looking forward to leaving her first area on her mission. I felt sorry, but a bit rough at the same time, thinking to myself, "Well, you've got a ton of time to spend on your mission, and I've got zip-zero time. So enjoy it." There were times I had to be blunt with her, and take the lead in our companionship, and in a way, take the lead in everything we did. I felt no motivation, and turned very inward to myself when I was trying to get her motivated and help her out with her problems. Finally, I found my way through serving her. I found ways to relax, and to not become so anxious and stressed about every little thing. I especially learned through prayer, that Heavenly Father truly, completely, and utterly knows EXACTLY who I am. Though I struggle with finding a balance in my stress, and despite all the noise and struggles happening around me, I turned so inward this past transfer, and I didn't see it until we had a special tender moment this past week.
When she confided in me about leaving her first area, I first had that thought that I mentioned earlier, but I decided I was done with being this way. I told her stories about when I left my first area, and how nervous I was, but how I became so excited to go somewhere new. I even told her the struggles I had as a missionary, and how the struggles I've had with my self confidence, and trusting in the Lord, every SINGLE trial has made me who I am, along with Jesus Christ and his confidence in me. I LOVE being a missionary, but the ways I've personally struggled have held me back in my potential, and I finally dropped the gloves to the mat, and I loved her with every part of my small, ignorant heart. We both struggled a lot this past transfer, but I became more hard on myself until I truly turned my heart to him.
What happened next was a complete surprise. I don't know where the words came from, but they just simply spilled out of my mouth. It went something like this...
"Hermana, I know you're missing home, and family, but Heavenly Father wants you to know how much He loves you. You're doing great, keep being productive in every way possible"
Later, I told her about every single member of her family and why she needs to be a missionary right now. Everything I said, was completely, and utterly from our Heavenly Father. On her end, she cried until I was done. On my end, I teared up while I told her about how proud her Dad is of her. THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON!
Christ is my Savior, He truly felt everything that I feel and that we each feel every day, and He is key to our salvation.
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me.
Confused at the grace that so fully, He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was cruficied.
That for me a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.
Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me, enough to die for me.
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
I know this past transfer was so needed for both she and I. I will never forget the experiences we had together. I love her. She will always be one of my favorite companions.
So,morning, I will have a new companion! I will keep ya'll updated on our hard work next week. Love you all, I feel the power of your prayers!!