Monday, April 11, 2016

Oh it is Wonderful...

Hello everyone!

So as I've talked about since I've gotten here to the Dalles area, I've been having some struggles with my companion. Everything is going back to normal, but we also have transfers this Wednesday. I will be staying in White Salmon and I will be receiving Hermana Knight, who was one of my greenie's MTC companion. What a coincidence! Hermana Buss will be transfered to Othello. This is something  new, and I'm pretty torn between how I feel about Hermana Buss leaving. We've grown so much together, and we've seen miracles. But having Hermana Buss as a companion was probably one of the most growing times for me on my mission. We've both learned so much together and I am excited to see where her mission will take her next. 

I realized this whole past transfer, I was letting myself be pretty selfish in the midst of helping my companion. I never realized how much she was struggling until she finally opened up to me last week about how she wasn't looking forward to leaving her first area on her mission. I felt sorry, but a bit rough at the same time, thinking to myself, "Well, you've got a ton of time to spend on your mission, and I've got zip-zero time. So enjoy it." There were times I had to be blunt with her, and take the lead in our companionship, and in a way, take the lead in everything we did. I felt no motivation, and turned very inward to myself when I was trying to get her motivated and help her out with her problems. Finally, I found my way through serving her. I found ways to relax, and to not become so anxious and stressed about every little thing. I especially learned through prayer, that Heavenly Father truly, completely, and utterly knows EXACTLY who I am. Though I struggle with finding a balance in my stress, and despite all the noise and struggles happening around me, I turned so inward this past transfer, and I didn't see it until we had a special tender moment this past week.  

When she confided in me about leaving her first area, I first had that thought that I mentioned earlier, but I decided I was done with being this way. I told her stories about when I left my first area, and how nervous I was, but how I became so excited to go somewhere new. I even told her the struggles I had as a missionary, and how the struggles I've had with my self confidence, and trusting in the Lord, every SINGLE trial has made me who I am, along with Jesus Christ and his confidence in me. I LOVE being a missionary, but the ways I've personally struggled have held me back in my potential, and I finally dropped the gloves to the mat, and I loved her with every part of my small, ignorant heart. We both struggled a lot this past transfer, but I became more hard on myself until I truly turned my heart to him.  

What happened next was a complete surprise. I don't know where the words came from, but they just simply spilled out of my mouth. It went something like this...
"Hermana, I know you're missing home, and family, but Heavenly Father wants you to know how much He loves you. You're doing great, keep being productive in every way possible" 

Later, I told her about every single member of her family and why she needs to be a missionary right now. Everything I said, was completely, and utterly from our Heavenly Father. On her end, she cried until I was done. On my end, I teared up while I told her about how proud her Dad is of her.  THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON!
Christ is my Savior, He truly felt everything that I feel and that we each feel every day, and He is key to our salvation.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me.
Confused at the grace that so fully, He proffers me. 
I tremble to know that for me He was cruficied.
That for me a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.
Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me, enough to die for me.
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me. 

I know this past transfer was so needed for both she and I. I will never forget the experiences we had together. I love her.  She will always be one of my favorite companions.

So, Wednesday morning, I will have a new companion!  I will keep ya'll updated on our hard work next week. Love you all, I feel the power of your prayers!! 

Our zone conference was this past week, I was asked to give a training on working with members, and it went awesome!

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